If I stay
by clannah4ever
Summary: This story is about what could happen if Hannah had stayed and not ended her life. What if clay was mostly the reason for her staying. What if she falls on clay to help her be happy and find the perfect life that she dreamed about. Also what if Hannah helps clay with his anxieties and bring out the best in each other with a little help from their trusted friend Tony.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is about what could happen if Hannah had stayed and not ended her life. What if clay was mostly the reason for her staying. What if she falls on clay to help her be happy and find the perfect life that she dreamed about. Also what if Hannah helps clay with his anxieties and bring out the best in each other with a little help from their trusted friend Tony.** **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, they are owned by Jay Asher. Sensitive topics may also be mentioned.**

 ** _If I stay_**

Chapter one-

I always thought about how my life would end, living out my life and doing all the things I have always wanted to do. Marry the man whose the love of my life, children, grandchildren even great grandchildren I could live that long while growing old with the love of my life. Yet as I stand here and think about all of those things and all that I have faced through this hell hole that's called the teenage years, im already feeling done with everything. The second set of tapes has been put on Tony's doorstep, there was no need to ring the bell, I'm not that important well to me im not. The first set are to be sent out in two days time to the first of many recipients. My room is completely tidy as if it has been recently decorated and cleaned the way a mom would clean it.

Now I'm standing here in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why all these things could happen to me. I've never been a bad person, obviously I've snuck out a few times but what teenager hasn't done so but that doesn't make me a bad person or does it? I slowly make my way over to the already half filled bath with a blade in hand and climb into the bath. I sit down leaning my head back and closing my eyes while breathing what is to be my last few minutes of life. All of the bad things flow through my mind like a film of my life but only portraying the bad parts, the most hurtful parts. However one thing sticks out more then anything else or should I say someone sticks out more. Clay. My Clay but not my Clay. Helmet. I start heavily breathing as the pain of clays kindness is shining through the bad. I can't have any distactions, I need to do this, I can't do this any longer. I lean forward and slowly make a cut down my arm, I sit there looking at what I am doing and something inside me just snaps me back to myself and I quickly panic.

What am I doing, I can't do this, I can't leave like this, Clay, I can't do this to Clay. I quickly drop the blade on the side of the bath and stop the water from filling the already overflowing bath. I climb out of the bath and go straight to the first aid cabinate, opening it to get out a wipe for all the blood and a bandage to cover my open but also bleeding wound. As I clean the cut I realise how lucky I was to have snapped out of it so quickly, the cut isn't too deep and is only about 2 maybe 3 centimetres long. I quickly cover it before running to dry myself and put on new clothes. I need to see clay but first I need to go to Tony's and hopefully he hasn't listened to the tapes yet. Oh god I really hope he hasn't. Once i'm dressed I quickly get rid of the bath water and dry up the floor which has some water on it from the bath over flowing slightly. With no damage done to the floor I walk downstairs to leave a note on the counter for my parents just so they don't worry about me not being home, it's not like they would notice anyway but I'll tell them I'm going to a friend's house to finish a project. All I can do now is get to Tony's fast and hopefully talk to him before he's heard the tapes.

Tony's dad let's me in when I get there and directs me to room. It's quiet upstairs, it makes me wonder what Tony's doing. As I get closer to Tony's door I can hear what sound like little whimpers of crying and that's when it hits me he must have the tapes as the box was gone of his door step. I knock on his door which he immediately responds to by telling me to come in. I apprehensively open the door as Tony turns around. Once his eyes lock on to who I am in his doorway, he lets out a relived sigh with a confused look on his face.

"Hannah" he says almost as if he doesn't believe I'm infront of him. I walk futher into his room and I can tell he has been crying as there is a tissue in his hand and tear stains down his face. This is enough to make the tears fall down my face and I look down at the floor as the words fall out of my mouth.

"I'm so sorry Tony I'm sorry".

He reacts immediately but pulling me into his arms and told me to him while i cry, he whispers comforting things and express's his relief that I'm here before asking what happened for me to be there right now. So we sit down and I tell him about my sudden change of heart and that it was mostly to do with clay. He then asks me a question that I wasn't expecting.

"Hannah what are you going to do now with the other tapes being sent out".

I hadn't thought about that really but I know what I should do.

"Tony do you think you could help me do something" I asked nervously.

"Of course Hannah" he replied

"I need to go to the post office and stop the tapes from being sent I still should be able to I'll just tell them it was a mistake. Would you be able to take me there and then over to clays, I need to see him" I explained.

"Sure let's go" he smiled.

Tony smiling at me makes everything seem less scary as I know if I need help Tony will always be there to give it if he can. I smile slightly back at him before we head for his mustang.

After going to collect the tapes back I'm more nervous now to talk to clay, to tell him what I almost did, what I was going to do if it wasn't for how I feel about him. I don't even know if he feels the same way but I guess there's only one way to find out. Tony and I make small talk on the way to clays, it's nice and comforting, talking to tony like this has always been easy due to him being supper friendly. As we pull up to clays I thank him for driving me and give him a big hug. I pick up the tapes and leave the car, shutting the door I look at Tony and hold out my hand for him to take. He takes it and with a nod I thank him once again.

"Thank you Tony really I appreciate it"

"No problem Hannah you know where to find me if you need anything ok just call or come over" he replied sweetly.

"Thanks Tony oh and I think you should get rid of the tapes I'm gonna destroy these ones as well anyways" I say nodding down to the box in my hand.

"Will do, see you Hannah" and with that he pulls away from the curb and drives off to the intersection and out of sight. Standing alone now makes me feel so nervous to talk to clay but I have to do this, he needs to know my feelings as well as everything else.

I stand outside clays house for what seems like hours before slowly walking up his driveway and knocking on the door. There is not car outside which means his parents are not home. After 5 minutes I try the door to find that it's open so I walk in and shut the door behind me. I can hear movement upstairs so I climb the stairs to the hallway leading to the bedrooms and bathroom. I find clays door which has a big poster on, but I'm not sure what is on the poster as it looks like a mess from afar. I walk to clays room and peak in his slightly open door way to find him lying on his bed with his headphones on. I like seeing him like this, all calm and relaxed, it suits him. I make my way over to his bed to find his eyes closed to I take a chance and jump onto his bed and start jumping up and down. This must startle him as he bolts up with his eyes wide open, takes his headphones out and is breathing heavy, it takes his a second to realise it's just me and not a random stranger in his house.

"Hannah what are you doing here" he says once he has managed to calm down.

I sit next to him and look him in the face and whisper "I needed to talk to you about something" I then look down slowly hoping that the tears starting to form in my eyes are not visible.

Clay lifts up my chin to face him and swipes away a rogue tear that has fought through its barrier.

"What's wrong Hannah why are you crying" he says sadly.

I can't lie to him, not my clay, I can't hide it either, with a deep breath I tell him everything about what's has happened, bits of course he knows from rumours but now he knows the truth. I sit there next to him and watch his face change from sadness to anger back to sadness again. He looks down at my wrist and slowly brings it up to his face and kisses it lightly before looking me in the face.

"I'm so glad you didn't go through with it Hannah, I wouldn't be able to live my life right without you in it" he says with a tone which sounds like love in his voice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: i do not own the characters in this story they belong to Jay Asher.**

Chapter two -

From looking at his face I can tell he is serious and this makes my heart swell with so much emotion that I burst into tears, clay being the nice guy he is just holds me to his chest while I cry and rubs small circles along my back which I find really comforting especially since its My clay doing it. I can't put this off much longer I need to tell him how I feel about him. I can feel him take in a deep breath like he is nervous and feel that his heart beat has started to beat fast than it was just moments ago. I hear him mumble something but it's not clear with my head in his chest.

"What" I ask.

"Nothing don't worry Hannah" he says in a sad tone.

"No clay please tell me what you said" I pleaded.

He shuffled on the bed nervously still holding me before he started.

"You know I'm not good with words Han but I...I love you Hannah I have for a while I just didn't know how to tell you. I just realised that I could of lost you today and it made me want to tell you because I would have regretted it if you never knew. I don't even know if you feel that same this could all just be...". I cut him off by pushing my lips onto his gently. He seems a little surprised but after a second he returns the kiss and I can feel myself smile. I pull away from him and hold his hand.

"Clay I love you too, I think I've felt it for a while but didn't think you felt the same. I believe that you could never deserve to be with someone like me, someone who w..was..." I take a breath and can see in his face that he is regerstering what I am saying and I continue. "It makes me feel like is am used and dir...". This time he cuts me off by crashing his lips to mine and holding my face in his hands. I return the kiss thankfully as a tear rolls down my cheek. He pulls away and wipes the tear from my face and looks at me.

"You are none of those things Hannah ok. They were not your fault none of it, don't ever think that again, your so much more than what you think you are".

I nod not really knowing what to say and I put my head back into clay's chest and hold onto him with all that I could.

I realise I must have fallen asleep for a while as I slowly open my eyes to clay softly poking my arm to try and wake me.

"Hannah. Hannah you fell asleep" he says in a soft voice.

I slowly lift my head and realise clay has moved himself backwards so his back is against his wall with me still in his arms. I blush slightly at him being so considerate to still keep me in his arms.

"Sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep".

"No worries Hannah I didn't mind it was kinda nice to hold you while you slept and to see you relaxed". He admits nervously with a blush on his cheeks.

I check my phone I've been asleep for about an hour, with two missed calls from my mom, she's probably just checking up on me.

"I should probably go now clay, my mom's called me a few times" I say sadly. He quickly gets off the bed and grabs my hand.

"It's ok Hannah let me walk you home". Before I can ever protest he shakes his head. "I'm not taking no for an answer I'm walking you home" he says strongly. All I can do is nod. We leave his house and start to walk to mine still hand in hand which makes me smile, clay notices this and smiles too. I like seeing clay smile, he doesn't do it to often unless he's with me or tony so it's nice to see. I like having my hand in clay's it feels like it was meant to be there, meant to fit my hand in his perfectly.

When we get to my house I see that my parents car is there so I know they are both in. I turn to clay and thank him for walking me home, he nods and I hug him tightly. I love the feeling of being in his arms, I can hear clay let out a content sigh which makes me smile a little. I lean back and kiss him on the cheek before letting him go and walking up to my door. I turn around as I reach the door and see him watching me walk to the door.

"Good night helmet" I sigh with a smile

"Night Han" he replied and turned to walk away.

"Helmet, let me know when you get home ok". I shouted.

He turned and nodded adding a little smile and wave which I happily return as I enter the house.

As I enter I can see mom leaving the kitchen and spotting me she asks if I want dinner. I nod and follow her to the table ready to eat. I don't eat all of it as I'm not exactly really hungry but it's enough for now. I hug and kiss my parents cheeks before leaving to go to my room.

I sit down on my bed and check my phone for the first time in an hour or so. I find that I have two messages off clay and one off tony. I quickly look at Tony's, he's just checking up on me so I reply back to him letting him know that I'm ok and that I've talked to clay also that I'm now home. He replies to this accepting my reply and wishing me a good night so I do the same back. I read clay's messages one wrote 'im home', the other wrote 'I really did mean what I said earlier'. At first I'm a little confused but then I remember his words and reply back 'i did to'. I put my phone on the bed side table and get changed ready to go to bed. I've brushed my teeth, put on my clothes for bed and got into bed when I hear my phone go off. It's clay. He wants to spend the day with me tomorrow which I immediately agree to and tell him I'll see him in the morning. He replies again and his message makes my heart beat with happiness. 'I'm so glad your still in my life Hannah baker'.

'So am I helmet sweet dreams' I wrote back and then fell into a deep sleep filled with dreams revolving around clay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: i do not own these characters they are owned by Jay Asher.**

Chapter three -

 _Clays pov:_

As I walk back from Hannah's it makes me realise how lucky I am that she stopped herself from making that cut bigger than it was. If she didn't stop she wouldn't be here now, I wouldn't have my Hannah with me. I can't believe all the things she went through and I had no idea they were happening, I didn't pick up on the signs, how oblivious was I to this. I'm a few blocks away from Hannah's when I realise that I've stopped walking troubled by my thoughts of Hannah not being here and who would find her at home, would it have been her mom or dad, or would tony have got there to stop her if he listened to those tapes fast enough. When I look up to see where I am, I find myself standing near to Bryce's house, this angers me to another level. Thinking about what he did to her but not only to my Hannah, how many others has he done it to, I know Jessica's another from what Hannah told me earlier. Being in a close proximity to Bryce makes the anger inside of me boil into a new form of angry that I have never felt before. How could he do that to Hannah, my Hannah, what gave him the right, to other girls aswell. I have to quickly walk away before I do something I will or will not regret.

I'm a few blocks away from home when out the corner of my eye I spot a red Mustang coming up the road and without turning I already know who it is.

"Hey clay where you heading?" Tony asked.

"Just heading home from walking Hannah back" I replied.

Tony nodded " oh right I guess she told you then".

"Yeah" I say looking down at my feet feeling the sadness and anger rising back up.

"Jump in clay I'll take you home" Tony offered.

I nod and get in the car just as Tony pulls off I turn to him and ask.

"Do you still have the tapes that Hannah made".

"Yeah haven't got rid of them yet why?" Tony replied.

"I want to listen to them, I know she told me but I need to know more so I can help her" I reply back to him.

Tony looks slightly confused and apprehensive for a bit but then asks.

"Are you sure you want to do that clay?".

"I have to, I need to help her, I can't nearly lose her again Tony" I answer wiping a tear that has fallen down my cheeks.

"Ok clay let's got to my house and you can listen to them but I'm staying with you because I don't know how you will react to them" tony answers.

All I can do is nod. I text my mom to let her know I'm with Tony and will be staying over the night so she won't worry. I also need to text Hannah so as we pull up on Tony's drive I message her to tell her I'm home, how serious I am about what I had said and want to spend the day with her tomorrow. I know I shouldn't lie to her but I will tell her tomorrow what I was actually doing.

We stay at Tony's while I listen to the tapes. I'm almost finished the tapes and it is really late, I feel bad for keeping tony up but he says he's normally up this late anyway. Hearing my tape broke my heart listening to all the things she had to say about how she felt that night at the party. I sit there in tears while listening to my tape, it makes me realise how in love with her I actually am, I vow there and then that I will always show her this love and always make her feel special. I also hated that fact that Bryce's tape was after mine to the point it made me physically sick. Hearing what she had to say about what he was doing was gut wrenching, I will never let him touch her again. When I say this to tony he is in agreement with me, he's such a good friend I know he will look after her and me when we really need it, especially now with what he knows Hannah went through.

I've finally finished all of the tapes and I'm overwhelmed with emotions about how Hannah was treated. I look at the clock to see that it is half 2 in the morning, normally I would be asleep by now or at least trying to sleep. I take off the headphones and look at Tony not knowing what to say. Tony just nods at my expression.

"I can't believe she through all of that tony" I say deeply saddened.

"I know clay, I think we should both get some sleep now and you and Hannah can talk tomorrow ok I'll even drop you at Hannah's if you like" tony replies.

"Yeah thanks Tony" I say nodding.

We both go to bed with our emotions feeling heavy. I just hope I don't have a bad dream about Hannah after learning about all this stuff. Tony turns the light off and whispers.

"Night clay don't stress she's ok now".

"I know, night tony" I reply turning over to face the window.

I lie there for a while watching the trees sway before I eventually fall into a deep sleep where my Hannah awaits for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: i do not own the characters in this story they are owned by Jay Asher.**

Chapter four -

 _Clays pov:_

Tony wakes me up at half 8 in the morning so that I can go home and get ready to see Hannah and this I am thankful for as I need time to sort myself out before seeing her. I need to figure out a way to tell her about me listening to the tapes without upsetting her, even though I know it will anyway as she never wanted me to hear them. Tony drops me off at home so I can get ready, he offers to wait and take me to Hannah's but I decline and tell him I'll ride my bike. After a few minutes debating this back and forth he finally relents and drives off with a wave and a good luck. Thanks Tony I'll definitely need it. Mom and dad aren't in when I enter the house which means that they must have early starts this morning so I have no questions to who I was with last night, thank God.

Once I'm ready to leave I text Hannah and tell her I'll be there in 10 mintutes. With that I get my bike out of the garage and lock up all the doors before riding off to Hannah's. It literally takes the ten minutes I've said and as I turn the corner to Hannah's road, to my amazement I find Hannah sitting on her porch waiting for me to arrive. As soon as she sees me she jumps up and starts to run down her pathway. By the time I get to the end of her pathway she runs straight towards me and I open up my arms quickly to welcome her in and I hold her close to me and breathe her in. She smells like lavender. She's my favourite smell.

 _Hannah's pov:_

I wake up quite early today, it's probably my mind telling me to get up early as I'm seeing clay today. Clay. Just the thought of his name brings the biggest smile to my face. I hope he slept alright after everything yesterday, I really wish he didn't have to know all of what I told him but at the same time he deserved to know. I don't exactly know what will happen with us now, right at this moment I just know that we love each other. I could imagine living a life with Clay Jenson, he would make me so happy, and maybe a little fat from his junk food. I'd welcome everything if it was from him though because he's my Clay, my adorable Clay. I look at my phone and see that it's just after 9 in the morning so I get up and start getting ready for the day. First I choose some clothes to wear, then go to the bathroom to have a quick shower and then get dressed and put a little bit of make up on, not to much though as Clay always says I don't need any at all. I have a little bit of breakfast before brushing my teeth and declaring myself ready for the day.

I'm that eager to see Clay that when he texts me to say he will be here in 10 mintutes I decide to wait 5 or so before going outside and locking up. I sit on the porch waiting for him to arrive, he does, not even a minute later which I love as he was right about the time it would take him to get here. As I see him I get so excited that I jump up and start to run down the pathway to meet him and when I get to the bottom of the path he is there just opening his arms to me. I run into his arms and hold him close to me as he is doing so to me too. I can hear him take in a deep breath, smelling me as I'm close to him. He must recognise that I'm wearing my favourite lavender perfume.

Clay tells me that he needs to talk to me which instantly I have a bad feeling about, however he reasures me that it's nothing too bad. He decides on talking me to a hill top with a bench that he sometimes visits when his head is full of thoughts or when he just wants peace and quite away from his parents. He keeps his bike as he reminds me that he still owes me a ride so I happily sit on the seat behind his as he directs me to and hold on to him as best as I can while he stands and pedals infront of me. It doesn't take too long for us to get the the hill top and take a seat on the only bench there. It's quite peaceful up here really, secluded from everything else but with a beautiful view. Clay sits next to me once he has sorted his bike out infront of us and puts his arm around my shoulder to pull me into his side. I scoot into his side and put my head in his shoulder and sigh contently which Clay also does too. We sit there for a while in silence just looking out at the view of all the houses and various building below us. It's quite nice really especially since it's a lovely day as well. We have been sitting here for what seems hours when Clay breaks the silence. He looks down at me nervously and whispers quietly.

"I listened to your tapes Hannah"


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters in this story they are owned by Jay Asher.**

Chapter five -

I move away slightly just enough to look at his face properly only to find he is actually being serious.

"What do you mean you listened to my tapes? When did you listen to them?" I question him.

He looks down at the floor and grabs my hand.

"Last night Han, when I told you I was at home. I was walking home and Tony pulled up and offered me a lift and I asked him about the tapes. I told him that I wanted to listen to them, he was a bit apprehensive about me doing so at first but eventually I pursuaded him to let me listen to them. I'm sorry I lied to you".

I feel like I can't breathe. He listened to the tapes, those dreaded tapes, I never wanted him to hear that even though I did want to send them out. I feel like I'm going to be sick, now he knows everything, every last detail in a massive discription.

"Hannah, I'm sorry please say something" clay whispers.

I'm silent for a while just trying to figure out what I'm going to do or say.

"Clay, why, why did you listen to those tapes?" I ask him almost on the verge of tears.

"I had to Han, I needed to know all of it so I could help you, I needed to know because I love you" he answers looking me in the eye.

I can feel my heart swell and the tears fall down my face. I let of a loud sob as i put my hand over my mouth to try and stop the sobs taking over my body. I feel a pull and it's clay he's pulling me towards him, I put my face on his chest and the tears just flow out and leave a wet patch on his shirt. He doesn't seem bothered about my tears soaking his shirt he's more bothered about holding me close to him.

When I eventually stop crying and calm myself down I slowly move myself out of clays chest. He still holds on to me even when I move slightly. I look up at him and he smiles shyly back at me.

"Why didnt you tell me you wanted to listen to them?" I ask him quietly.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you and thought you'd try to stop me but I had to know Hannah, I had to know so I could look after you". He moves me into his lap and puts his arms around me as we look out over the hills. "I did it so i can protect you from all your demons internally and externally, I will keep you safe".

I'm stunned I don't know really what to say to him so I snuggle up to him as much as I can while facing away from him.

"I'm not angry clay, I just didn't want you to hear it all after I told you, especially Bryce's tape". I answer trying to surpress the memory of that night.

"Good because even if you was I'd still be there to protect you" he sighs as he tucks his head into my neck.

We sit there for a while just breathing each other in before we decide to go and get something to eat. We don't go to Rosie's or Monet's for the obvious so we go to this little diner just on the outside of town. It's quiet, pretty and peaceful. I like it here because this is now mine and clays place. I tell him this too and he beams as he agrees.

After we had something to eat we decide to go back home although when I say home I mean back to clays. He cycles us again even with my protests, he says he likes feeling me sitting behind him while he rides. It's cute really. it doesn't take us too long to get back to clays really possibly about half an hour but the ride was nice and peaceful. His mom and dad aren't in which is nice for now as it will just be us but my anxiety starts to begin to show as I get nervous about meeting his parents. He notices by the way I start to tense a little and he pulls me into his arms.

"Don't worry han, they will love you"

I love how he knows why I'm nervous just by looking at me. I nod my head into his chest and he pulls away dragging me up the stairs to his room. He goes to take off his jacket and shoes while I go and sit on his bed taking my shoes and jacket off. By the time he turns around I'm sat on the middle of his bed with my legs crossed and hands in my lap watching him. He smiles and chuckles to himself.

"You've only been here two minutes and your already making yourself comfy" He smirks. "On MY bed too".

"Oh I'm that's case then I'll just" I say as I get up off the bed and walk towards his door.

"Oh no you don't come here" he says before grabbing me, lifting me up, chucking me on the bed and lying next to me where I sit. All I can do is laugh at his silly behaviour, he really is adorable.

I sit there next to clay for a while stroking his hair as his head has moved into my lap. I keep thinking about us and it makes me wonder when clay thinks we are. I think I know the answer but I'd like to hear it from him, so I decide to ask.

"Clay?"

"Umhmm" he mumbles.

"What are we clay, I mean what am I to you now?". It's silly for me to ask really but I need to know. This question seems to wake him up a little and looks up at me.

"We..were together aren't we, I mean I.. I know I haven't asked you but after everything I just thought we were cus we both love each other but I will ask you anyway as I'd like to see that beautiful smile. Hannah Baker wi..will you be my.. my beautiful girlfriend who I will love always and protect forever?". He really does know how to make me smile. Aww my clay he really is my clay. I wipe a tear that has rolled down my cheek so it doesn't land on clay. I hold his face in my hands and look into his beautiful blue eyes and answer him with a smile on my face.

"Yes Clay Jenson I will be your girlfriend". Just to seal it kind of, I kiss him gently and stroke his cheek with my fingers.

"There's my favourite smile" he says as he still looks up at me.

We stay like this for a while just staring at each other, in our own little world where it's just us. We're so distracted that we didn't hear the front door open and close and we only snap out of it when we hear his mother shout from the stairs.

"Clay I'm home".

Clay jumps up and holds out his hands for me and I take them and walk with him down to his mom while my stomach does summersaults.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters within this story, they all belong to Jay Asher.**

Chapter six -

As we are walking down the stairs my anxiety and nervous begins to increase, I really don't know how Clay's mom will react to me being here or even if she will like me. There's also that fact of her job and I may have to tell her about what's happened to me, well I feel like I may need to, maybe that will help me to move on with my life. I mean what else can I do, I was raped I cant just forget that, no one who has been could ever forget that. I'm pulled from my thoughts by Clay rubbing my hand with his thumb as we walk towards the kitchen, I'm guessing that's where his mom is. As we walk into the kitchen I am correct in what I was thinking. Mrs Jenson looks up at me and clay and looks a little shocked at the fact that I'm in her house and she looks at our hands and back to clay.

"Hey mom, this is Hannah Baker my..my girlfriend" he says while still holding on to me.

"Well hello Hannah, I've been wondering who this Hannah person is in Clay's life, I'm guessing your the Hannah from the Crestmont" she says sweetly.

"Yes thats me, it's nice to meet you Mrs Jenson" I say shyly.

"Please call me lainie" she smiles.

I nod at her and look at clay who is looking between us with a smile on his face so big you'd think he just saw the world's biggest cookie.

"Clay, stop smiling like a clown you'll scare her away" his mom joked.

"Thanks mom" Clay joked dramatising that he was hurt.

This makes all of us laugh and it's nice, I haven't laughed with more than one person in a while and I enjoy the feeling.

"So how did this happen then" Lainie asks pointing between me and Clay. This instantly makes me put my face into Clay's shoulder to try and hide the blush from rising up more than it already is.

"We talked about things and our feelings. Something's have happened lately and it made me and Hannah realise how much we actually love each other" Clay tells his mom as he holds me close.

"Love is a strong word Clay" his mom states.

"I know mom but trust me it's been a long time coming we both just didn't realise how much we actually felt for each other. We were both scared to tell each other how we felt until recently" Clay answers. I look up at him with a small smile on my face and tears in my eyes, if only he knew how much I actually care for him. He leans down and kisses the top of my head which is comforting as it's his little way of showing he loves me.

"Well aint you a pair of cuties" Lainie teases.

"Mom really" Clay deadpans.

"Ok ok I'm sorry, who wants pizza?".

I feel so full after the pizza and so comfortable in Clay's arms on his bed that I don't want to move, I can feel myself slowly falling asleep listening to the sound of Clay's heartbeat. That with the sound of the trees swaying in the wind is slowly lulling me to sleep. I'm deep in thought about this when Clay speaks.

"Han, do you know how many times I wanted to tell you how I felt towards you?"

"No clay how many?" I ask while drawing circles on his hand that is on my stomach.

"So many times, especially three nights in particular". He answers.

"What times were these then?" I ask looking up at him.

"Well the night we watched the stars and moon on top of the Crestmont especially when you shuffled closer to me, the night i walked you back home after work and rode home after saying good bye and then the night of the winter formal when we danced with each other". I feel him pull me closer to him as he says this and I immediately snuggle into him.

"I wish you had of told me but at the same time I understand why you didn't. I was scared to say anything to you as well and by the time I got to where I was in that bad time I thought you hated me and thought it was to late" I say and then look down.

"Hey, now look at me" he lifts my chin up to look at him. "I never told you because I was scared but never, not for one second did I ever hate you, even when you pushed me away. I have always loved you Hannah Baker" he says stroking my cheek.

"I love you too Clay" I say sweetly leaning up and kissing him softly on his lips before snuggling myself back into his chest.

We lie on his bed for a while just listening to each other breathing before we decide to put on a movie and have some popcorn. It's kind of funny since we both work at the Crestmont well Clay still does unless I can get my job back. At least it doesn't smell bad in Clay's room like it does sometimes at the Crestmont. I realise that it's getting late now but at the same time I couldn't care less, I'm so comfy and content where I am that I don't want to leave. I think clay feels the same because he hasn't moved since we sat here and he hasn't said he wants me to leave but it is getting late and I should get home soon even if I don't want to.

"Clay I think I should go home soon it's getting late" I say looking up at him.

"No, I won't let you, you have to stay" he says in a childish manner putting is face into my shoulder and holding me closer to him.

"No sweetie as much as I want to stay I do have to go I mean I don't think your mom would appreciate me staying the night" I tell him.

"She won't mind you can stay" he answers.

"I wish I could"

"Ok come on I'll walk you home" he says as he gets up. I get my stuff together and we walk down the stairs. Clay goes to tell his mom where he's going and she comes over to say goodbye, she even a gives me a quick hug before telling Clay to hurry back once he's walked me home. He nods and gives his mom a quick hug and a little wave as we leave the house. Once we're out the house Clay quickly walks to my side, grabs hold of my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine slowly stroking his thumb against my hand.

All the way to my house he doesn't let go of my hand and even pulls me into his side while still holding my hand. He's so cute well I'd probably call him adorable and that's a better word to describe my Clay. I giggle to myself thinking this.

"What's so funny" Clay asks looking at me.

"Nothing I'm just thinking how adorable you are" I answer him.

"There's that word again" he smiles.

I just look at him and smile which rewards me a sweet short kiss from Clay. Without even realising where we are, I realised that we were walking up my street and my house is only a few doors away. I don't want to leave Clay but at the same time I know I have to as he needs to get home too. He walks me up to my door step and gives me a sad smile which tells me he doesn't want to leave me either. He gives me a big hug and holds me close and tightly to him which again brings the word 'adorable' to mind. He lets me go and holds my hands looking into my eyes.

"I had a good day today Han even if the start was a bit heavy subject wise but other than that I've had one of the greatest days in my life" he admits.

"Me too Clay it's been relaxing to say the least"

"Well I should let you get inside it's starting to get cold and I don't want you to get ill" he says giving me another hug.

"Ok good night Clay".

"Good night Hannah I love you".

"I love you too Clay" I say still holding on to his hand. He leans in and gives me a sweet soft kiss and holds onto my cheek giving it a soft stroke with his thumb. This makes me blush a little and I don't want to let him go again but I do anyway.

"Bye Han".

"Bye helmet".

I turn to open my front door when I get a slight glimpse of my mother's hair and the curtain moving in the window. I shake my head at her being so nosy. I turn one last time to see clay near the end of the street and he turn also, we share a little wave and smile and I walk into my house. When I shut the front door I see my mom dying to act normal which makes me laugh a little. As I walk towards my room I turn to my mom.

"I know you was being nosy mom I'll talk to you about it in the morning. Good night".

"Night Hannah sweet dreams" mom replies.

With that I walk into my room and get into bed and I'd be lying if i said I couldn't stop smiling because I can't. I blame Clay for that for being so adorable. Sending a good night message to clay I curl up under the covers and welcome sleep with a smile on my face once again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters in thiss story the rights to them go to Jay** **Asher**

Chapter severn-

I wake up the next morning with a sense of calm after spending the day with clay yesterday. He really makes me happy and feel relaxed especially after everything that has happened I really needed it. I smile everytime I think of him because he is just everything to me, my clay, my world. I love him so much and I know that's easy to say now but it is true because he's my adorable little clay, even though he's taller than me a little, so he isn't exactly little. I roll over and look at my phone to see what time it is and i see that I have a message from clay, sent around half an hour ago.

'Got a surprise for you be outside your house in 45 minutes see you soon beautiful xx'

This instantly puts a smile on my face. I look at the time and realise that he will be here in 10 minutes so I jump out of bed and quickly start to get ready. This is going well until my mom decides to walk into my room.

"Hey Hannah, so who is that lovely boy I saw you with last night at our door" she asked with a smirk on her face. I knew she would get like this and it is actually funny but not while I'm rushing.

"His name is clay and he is kinda my boyfriend but I need to go so I will sit down and talk to you later ok, ok bye" I replied back to her as I finish getting ready, kiss her cheek and run out of my room.

"Erm ok be safe Hannah" she shouted back at me as I ran to the front door.

"Bye mom" I said as I closed the door. As I look up from shutting my front door I see that clay is infront of my house on the path. I look up and smile at him as I walk towards him.

"So how do I look" I ask as I turn around.

"Perfect as always" he says as he leans in to kiss me.

"So what is my surprise?" I ask him as I take his hand in mine.

"You'll see" he replies with a smirk. I look at him with a look that would say what are you up to which he just smiles at me in return. We walk a little down the road when clay comes to a complete stop which confuses me. I look up to see clay nod his head in the direction next to us and I look to see a car, a nice shade of purple car may I just add but i still don't understand, why are we looking at this car.

"After you my lady" he says as he pulls some keys out of his pocket and unlocks the car next to us. I'm still a little confused but I get in anyway and wait for clay to get in the other side but then I realise can clay actually drive.

"Clay why are we in a car and whose car is it". He looks at me smiling and laughs a little.

"Oh Han don't worry this is part of the surprise, I got my lisence a few weeks ago and just didn't tell anyone but tony. I never really had the opportunity to get a car so that's why tony drives me sometimes. However this car is actually mom's car she managed to exchange it for our car for this one since there was to many things wrong with it to fix without costing us a lot of money. So this is why we are sitting in a car" he answers.

We have been driving for about half an hour now maybe a little longer and I still don't know what this surprise is, damn clay and his secrets.

"Clay where are we going seriously. We've been on the road for a while now" I ask as I look over at him.

"I'm still not telling you but it won't be long now" he says keeping his eyes on the road at all times. Good he's sensible like that. Not that I don't trust him driving or doubted him but it's good that he takes it so seriously as many drivers don't. We carry on driving for about another 15 minutes when I hear the sound of waves crashing against rocks and the smell of the sea water that is not far in front of us. I look up at clay surprised, he's brought me to the beach, I love the beach more than anything cus it makes me feel peaceful and the environment around it is quiet and peaceful. I smile for what seems like a long time as clay parks the car into a free space. Before I know it my door is open and clay is standing there with his hand out for me to hold. I gladly take it and get out of the car, waiting for clay to lock it before starting to walk off towards the sandy beach.

"It's so peaceful here so I though we could spend a few hours here so we're away from our town for a while" clay says noticing the wonder I have in my eyes.

"Thank you I love it already" I reply with a smile. It's really a place to think and clear your head and I think that was what clay was getting at when he decided to take us here. I really appreciate that and I think he knows that too. As we sit down in silence just happy to be in each others company I decide I should think about all that has happened and all that it includes but most importantly what I should do next with this knowledge and hurt. So I decide to start from the beginning, before I do I let clay know about what I'm thinking just in case I get upset, he pulls me close and puts his arms around me tightly and protectively and with that I lean back into him and begin my thinking.

As i do think about what's happened in the last few months I start to get overwhelmed with the feeling of need, the need to talk to someone about it. Not a councilor, definitely not a councilor as they freak me out and I don't want sympathy from a stranger or help from someone like that cus I know how that ends already. Just when I think that there is probably nobody I could talk to I suddenly remember clays mom, I could talk to her and she might be able to help me without giving me that stranger sympathy. I know i don't know her very well but it's better than not knowing someone at all.

"Clay".

"Yeah Han?".

"Do you think I could talk to your mom about everything that's happened?". Clay looks at me surprised at first but then starts to nod.

"I think she wouldn't mind if you did she'd help you out with whatever you need".

"I think it's time clay, I need to tell someone that isn't you or tony" I reply. Clay just nods and we sit watching the sea in silence, happy being in the company of each other. Without realising we have been here for 6 hours and we should be heading back.

On the way back to clays house we stop for a little something to eat since we haven't eaten all day and with what I'm about to tell clays mom we don't really want to eat a lot. The drive home however is absolutely beautiful, the sights that we go by are unimaginable and I am in awe with them. They don't seem real, the houses, the town's, the sea of the edge of your eyesight and the sun starting to set on the horizon, it all seems like somewhere out of a movie. I take a photo on my phone to show my mom later as she will love to see this too, I text her to tell her I'll be staying at clays and I send her the picture too which by her reply I'm guessing she loves it when she calls it a beautiful dream land. Within no time we are arriving at clays house and I am a little nervous but at the same time I'm starting to feel relieved a little as I know that I will be able to get the help that I need. I'm still nevous though cus I know clays moms job is a really serious one. Clay opens my door and that is the moment I realise that I've been staring into space in my own little world for about 10 mintutes or so that didn't even notice that clay had parked the car and got out of it.

"Sorry clay" I mumble to him as he helps me out.

"Don't worry about it" he replies.

We walk up to the house and he opens the door for me. We both walk in and see his mom in the kitchen, I look at clay and nod.

"Hey mom can we talk to you" clay asks.

"What you done now" she says jokingly.

"Nothing it's just Hannah wants to talk to you about something" he says.

"Hannah are you ok" she says looking at me.

"Yeah and no" I reply.

She gives me a look that means she's confused, so I tell her everything not leaving out any details. Clays holding me in his arms and I'm crying so hard with his mom holding his hand. I feel relieved and happy to know that I've finally told someone, just as I've calmed down and holding on to clay his mom turns around and says "Leave it with me" and walks off into her room.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters in this story they are owned by Jay Asher.**

Chapter Eight-

Stuck. Thats how i feel. Do i run? Do i stay and wait? Do i vomit or cry? I feel stuck on what to do. I really dont know what to do now. Ive just told someone who works within the government about whats been happening to me the past few months. What did i just do? Omg! Omg! I cant breathe i think i may scream, i can barely hear what clay is saying in my ear and that can only mean one thing. Im having a panic attack. Before i know it im outside taking in deep breaths sitting on the curb with my head in my knees. It doesnt take long for clay to join me outside and sit next to me. I just cant believe ive told someone else. I look up at clay who is just watching me silently, i know hes worried about me, i can see it on his face. I lean my head on his shoulder while i calm myself down and wipe away my remaining tears off my face.

"You ready to go back in and see what mom has to say" he says as he stands up and grabs my hands.

"I guess so".

He helps me up and we slowly make our way back inside hand in hand. We sit back down and wait for his mom to come back out of her room. It makes me more anxious the more and more we have to wait but after 20 minutes she finally comes out of her room with a few pieces of paper.

"Hannah I've wrote down all that you have told me on these official documents but I will need you to sign them to say that it's true. I know this is scary but I need to help you the best I can especially after what you nearly did. I'm thankfully that you had my baby in your thoughts to pull you out of it." She says as she passes me the files.

"Oh and also I will need your own version of what you told me to go with it as evidence." She adds. Nervously I look at the papers and remember my tapes, would they be good enough?. I think a little about this before mentioning it.

"Erm I have some tapes of me telling the story of what's happened to me would they be any good" I say holding onto clays hand.

"Han are you sure, they are difficult to listen to" clay asks concerned.

"Clay sometimes the hardest things to listen to can have great results" his mom replied.

After about an hour i had wrote down on a document that the things on clays moms paper were correct and that i had told them to her. I had also wrote down a note to go with my tapes to say that they are correct and in my own words about what happened. In this note i also mentioned what my intentions were with these tapes and what i had already done and reversed. In this time clays mom also listened to these tapes so she now knows all of the details that clay knows about my problems. Once she had finished listening to them she walked over to me and gave me a big hug, i could hear her sniffling into my shoulder and i knew this meant she was crying.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that hannah, no one should ever go through any of that especially not at your age." she said to me as she pulled herself back and grabbed clays hand from next to me. "I'm so glad you and my son were able to find each other and find comfort through what you nearly did, i know he will look after you and never hurt you".

Shes right though, i know this and i know clay knows this too as he holds my hand a little tighter and strokes my hand. After i've finished filling in the paperwork and signing the documents that i need to clays mom takes it and puts it into a little box with all my tapes and her documents.

"I will need to take these to my office in the morning and file them but i will also need to contact the authorities hannah ok and they may want to speak to you and maybe your parents". She says as she locked the box up.

"I know".

Later on that night when me and clay are in his room, it hits me how serious this will become. There will be police interviews, possible DNA tests, arresting bryce, charges, a court case and a sentence or maybe nothing at all. Either way im so scared. I didnt realise how much attention would now be on me and i really dont like this idea, i think this may be the main reason that i wanted to kill myself. At least now that im going through all this i wont be alone as i thought i would have been. I have clay and clays mom, also my parents but i dont know how they will react when they hear whats been happening or that i will now have to go through a court case. This is really stressful to think about so I look at clay, he seems to be in a day dream kind of state, or maybe he's thinking about the same stuff that I am. I lie down next to him and took myself into his arm, I've found out that the is one of the most comfortable positions for me as it brings me comfort knowing im safe in clays arms. After what seems like forever in silence clay speaks and says something I've been longing to hear.

"Han I will stick by your side through the whole of this and whatever else comes next. I'll be by your side forever and I will never leave your side for any reason. I have to look after you because if you didn't come back to me the day you did I don't know if I would of been able to survive mentally, physically or emotionally". This so sweet and so sad I do the only thing I can think of doing at this moment in time and that is kiss him and lay down closer to him with my hand on top of his heart. Comfort. That's how I feel now. So comfortable. Without realising it I've slowly started to fall asleep. I only realise that I'm fully asleep when I start seeing beaches and lounging chairs. Oh and clay in swim trunks too. It's quite a hmm what's that word again. Adorable sight.

 **If anyone wants to suggest any ideas for the next few chapters feel free to message me or comment them. Would love to hear some ideas to go with this story.**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclosed: I do not own any of the characters within this story they belong to Jay Asher.

Chapter Nine-

Clays pov:

As I lie here looking up to the ceiling I can hear and feel the slow and soft breathing of Hannah asleep on my chest. It's peaceful and she looks so beautiful at peace and safe with me, it's where she belongs by my side. I love her so much. I keep thinking of what happened to her and how I didn't even think it affected her as much as it did. Shows how much I know huh. I can't seem to shake this feeling of protection, it's not bad but at the same time i can get so angry with myself and others I feel I may lash out in some way. I slowly remove myself from under Hannah and make sure she doesn't stir before slowly walking downstairs.

I sit myself on the sofa and stick on my headphones. I press play on my music and ironically guess what song starts to play, mine and Hannah's. I close my eyes and lean my head on the back of the sofa just for a second to think about all the happy things in my life. Mainly Hannah. However with the happy comes the negatives and I can feel myself getting riled up so I decide to make a call.

"You know Clay if you wanted a ride you could of just asked instead of riding your bike to meet me since you called" Tony said with an amused smile.

"I needed the air, I can't stop thinking about all the stuff Hannah's had to go through, it's just not fair for her. It makes me so angry, I swear if I could make Bryce pay I would."

"Clay you can't it would hurt Hannah if anything went wrong you know that. We just need to try and find a way to find proof that he did what he did, and I think I know just the way. Get in we're going to visit someone." Tony explained.

*An hour later*

The plans in motion thanks to the help of Tyler. He doesn't really know what the plan is actually for but he trusts Tony and that's all that matters. Either that or he's scared of him. Now we just have to wait a while but when we get what we need, Tony will bring it to my house. All that's to do now is get back into bed without waking Hannah. I get in the bed and just as I think she is going to wake up I pull her close and hold her and slowly stroke her hair. She's still peacefully asleep and it's still beautiful. She needs all of the peace she can get. With that thought in mind I quickly fall asleep with my Hannah.

*THREE HOURS LATER*

Screaming. Very loud screaming that's all I can hear and it makes me jump straight out of bed. I quickly take in my surroundings to find Hannah not in the bed anymore. All I can feel is panic, where is she? I look around my room and find her in a ball in the corner crying and rocking herself forwards and backwards.

"Hannah? Hannah what's wrong? What happened?" I ask as I quickly neal by her on the floor.

"Hhhhe tttouched me and wouldn't let me go. Why wouldn't he let me go Clay?" Hannah replied with shaky breaths and tears streaming down her face.

I think the screaming woke mom up as she came running the room, looking worried and pale switching on the lights.

"What happened? Is everyone ok? Hannah what's happened?" Mom asks as she enters the room to find us on the floor.

I look at Hannah. "It's ok Hannah it was just a nightmare no one will hurt you here, your safe. Let's get you back into bed and I'll grab you some water."

Mom helps me get Hannah out of a ball and walk her to the bed. She sits next to Hannah and comforts her as I run downstairs for a bottle of water. I could back up to find Hannah curled up on the bed with my mom comforting her. After a while mom leaves once she sees that Hannah is nearly asleep and has calmed down.

I manage to get her back into the bed and we both lie there until she is fast asleep. I lie there a bit longer hoping our plan works. If it does it will really do us a favour and will help Hannah get through the troubles she has. But for now all that matters is that Hannah is safe with me and no matter what life throws our way that won't change. With that last thought I get comfy and hold Hannah close as I let her soft breathing pull me into a deep sleep.

 **If anyone has any ideas to go with the story let me know. Sorry about not posting for a while I have been extremely busy.**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within this story. They are owned by Jay Asher.

WARNING: This chapter may not be suitable for some people so please be mindful when you read it.

Chapter Ten-

 _ **Clay's pov:**_

It been a couple of days since I snuck out the house and saw Tony, our plan is still in motion but nothing useful has come out of it yet. Hannah however has been having recurring nightmares every night since that night she told my mom everything. All of this has to be stressing to her especially since she has a meeting with the police and moms ferm tomorrow to discuss what will happen next and all the evidence that will be involved. This makes me feel sick thinking about the evidence as hannah had to go to the doctor with my mom to get internal proof of being raped by Bryce. Just thinking that much into it makes me feel like vomiting. I can't show hannah how much this makes feel physically sick because i need to stay strong for her, she is definitely going to need me these next few days, weeks and even months until all of this is over. I was just about to get in the shower when my phone started to ring. I look at the time and its only 8:30am, i wonder who it could be at this time of morning. I look at my phone and see that it is tony so i quickly answer.

"Hey Tony whats up for you to be calling me at this early hour"

"I got something clay i'm coming over" Tony says in a fast voice before hanging up the phone.

I feel anxious now, he's found something? What does that even mean? Is it even useful? Will it help hannah or just dig her grave? I must have been sat on my bed thinking about it for a while because before i know it Tony is standing in front of me holding a usb stick. I usher him into the basement where no one can hear us since hannahs still asleep and mom and dad are in the living room.

"What did you find Tony?"

"You just need to listen to it, i don't know who he is talking to but you just have to listen" Tony says handing me the stick.

I put the stick into the stereo and turn it on. At first i didn't think anything of what bryce was talking about it was just pure nonsense and crap about his team, that was until i heard what was next.

 _"Did you hear about hannah, apparently she's gone crazy and might have to be sent to a looney bin…. Yeah i know deserves it too although she does have a nice tight ass….. You know i made it pretty hard to say no to me that night in the jacuzzi…… no i held her down so she couldn't move, the bitch wanted it anyways…. She didn't have to tell me she wanted it, i could see it in her eyes…… well if you want to call it rape then fine but tell that to all the other girls who want to get the same as she did because in my eyes it wasn't rape but if that's what you want to call it then so be it….. Yeah man right i'll see you at practice."_

I look at Tony in pure rage, how can he say that.

"Are you actually joking right now, he didnt think it was rape, what they hell does holding a girl down and forcing yourself on her mean to him then?" I scream at tony.

"Clay i know, i listened to its disgusting but we can use this as evidence at her trial, and if what she said in her tape about jessica is right then we need to try and get her to confess too, who knows how many other girls there actually have been who are victims of his attacks" Tony explains.

He's right, i know he is but i'm just so angry i can't even think of the words to speak back to him so i do the only thing i can think of doing and call moms phone and tell her to come to the basement. After a couple of minutes she come walking down the steps into the basement.

"Clay? Tony what's going on, why is clay crying and why are you both looking so angry" She asks fulls of concern.

"Mrs Jenson, i think you just need to listen to this and you'll understand" Tony replies.

I cant listen to it again so i run upstairs to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, im horrified at what i just heard and i cant get it out my head, i just hope we can use it as evidence. As i walk back down the stairs to the basement i can see my mom crying and Tony turning off the stereo.

"Mom can we use it, can we use this as evidence for hannahs trial, that's pretty much a confession right there."

Mom looks up at me and wipes her face. "Of course we can Clay, i want to take him down more than ever now, that was just absolutely disgusting, no human being should ever have to be treated or spoke about in such way again. I will send this to the prosecutors immediately so it can be added into the courts evidence list for the judge. Don't worry boys we will get him and make him pay. You best go up and tell hannah or maybe not tell her not yet, maybe you both could take her out for the day to the beach, she likes it there doesn't she?"

"Yeah that a good idea Mrs Jenson, i'll go and pull my car around front, Clay you go get hannah". Tony suggests

"Please Tony call me Lainie, you've known this family long enough". Mrs Jenson says with a smile as she walks back upstairs.

As i walk back into my room i hear the shower turn off, that must mean hannahs awake. Right on cue she walks into the room in one of my shirts, she looks a little startled when she sees me by my door but relaxes as soon as she realises it is me.

"Morning beautiful, put on some clothes and i'll meet you downstairs were off to the beach with Tony today" i tell her as i kiss her cheek and i am rewarded with a smile and a little giggle. She's so adorable.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within this story. They are owned by Jay Asher.

WARNING: This chapter may not be suitable for some people so please be mindful when you read it.

Chapter Eleven-

I wake up with a slight glimmer of sun shining down on my face from the open blind, it's not to bright which either means the rest of the blind is covering the sun or it is cloudy. Hopefully it's not the cloudy part. I roll over and spread my arm out to feel clay but his side of the bed is empty and slightly cold, he must have got up early. I sit up when i hear mumbles outside the door, clay my clay it is definitely him, he must be on the phone. While he's on the phone i may as well go for a shower and freshen up a little. I collect a towel from cupboard and head into the shower. The feel of warm water running down my body relaxes me into a calm state, I welcome this as calm is hard to find lately. After i finish in the shower i grab my towel to dry myself and then slip on one of clays shirts, i love the smell of his shirts thats another comfort for me, I leave the bathroom to find clay standing in his doorway which startles me a little but i know it could only be him.

"Morning beautiful, put on some clothes and i'll meet you downstairs were off to the beach with Tony today" Clay says as he kisses my cheek, so I reward him with a smile that for some reason is followed by a giggle, I don't giggle so that is a bit of a shock. He leaves the room while i get changed and this is something i really appreciate about clay, he likes to give me as much privacy as i need, he is a real gentleman.

I don't waste time and quickly get ready, sticking my hair up in a messy bun and walking downstairs i meet clay in the kitchen who is talking to his mom by the sink. They both turn around when they realise that i am walking into the kitchen. Clay stands there looking me up and down with a wide smile on his face and lainie just laughs at him and throws a dish cloth at his head.

"Right while clay mops up his drool off the floor, shall we head to the car, oh and here have something to eat" Tony says from the table in the corner, making me jump. I didnt even realise he was there, he hands me a piece of toast as we head towards the front door laughing at clay and his trance like state. He eventually catches up to us when we reach the car, he is so silly my clay is.

It takes us an hour to get to the beach, which is strange since the beach closest to us is only a 15 minute journey. It's only when i look outside that i realise that were at the Mare Island Shoreline. It's so beautiful here and definitely a place i have always wanted to visit since moving here. The beach is lovely and warm with soft sand that swallows your feet as you walk and a sea temperature that was bearable not too cold and not too warm due to the sun. Before i even realised ive ran off and i'm wading through the sea just breathing in the sights and smells of the beach. Its different to our normal one that close to home, i just love standing here in the sun and taking big deep breaths with the sea washing around my feet. It's really soothing and therapeutic, i almost jumped a little when i feel clay but his arms around me and hold me close to him, bliss, this is what this feels like. It is peaceful for what feels like half an hour to me with clay, it is only disturbed when tony comes up next to us and splashes loads of water over us and tries to run off laughing. Me and Clay both look at each other and then chase after tony the best that we can and splash him back, soaking him head to toe. We continue this for a while just messing around and joking with each other before coming out the sea and sitting down on a bench that is close by.

3 hours after we first arrived at the beach we decide to go for lunch at a restaurant that faces the shoreline and it is a cute little place with only a few people in. The restaurant is a little seafood and sandwich shop on the corner of the beachfront. It is a really lovely place, the decor inside is full of sea animals and colours with cutlery, plates and dishes to match. We all decide on sharing a platter of different seafood with a few types of bread pieces, sauces and lemon juice. It takes us a while to get through the platter but eventually we do finish eating and it was absolutely delicious, we decide to go for another walk by the sea once we have finished in the restaurant.

Clay and Tony are acting a little strange when we go to sit down on a bench, it makes me a little anxious as they haven't been like this all day. Clay looks a little uncomfortable and so does tony as if something is rubbing them up the wrong way.

"Hannah, we need to tell to tell you something but we are not sure how you will react" Tony explains holding my hand.

"Clay, what is Tony on about" i ask unsurely.

"Han, it's going to be difficult for you to hear but in the end it will be worth it" Clay explains

"We made a plan to try and get bryce's confession without him realising, we knew if we actually asked him about it he would deny it or come up with a lot of crap, so we secretly recorded things from his house with a bit of help from tyler, he doesn't know exactly what it was for but he helped us anyway. For a few days we didn't get anything but the other day we did get something, it is horrible and you may need to hear it when this goes to trial but we got a tape of him confessing hannah during a conversation with someone else" Tony said.

Floods of tears is the only way i can describe the way i reacted to this news, with Tony's hand in mine and Clays arm around my shoulder.

"Moms heard it han, she's taking it to the prosecutors so it can be added to evidence but we still have the copy of it at home if you feel like you need to hear it before it goes to them. Mom reckons this will definitely add to the evidence against him as well as the test the hospital has done on you, Han we are going to get the justice that you deserve and for any other girls that it has happened to". Clay tells me while holding on to me tightly.

I'm shocked beyond shocked knowing that there is a chance now that he could be sent down for what he did to me, to others as well. Jessica being another one of his victims, but she doesnt know, not unless Justin tells her which i highly doubt he will, unless he knows that bryce will be sent down, but then how will Jessica feel, maybe we could help each other try to deal with what has happened to us. These are all thoughts that are going through my head on the way back to Clay's house and while sitting in his room. Im sat in a sort of trance through my thoughts after listening to that tape that i don't even realise Lainie coming into the room with a cup of tea until she sits next to me on the bed and hands me the mug.

"I thought you could use a nice cup of tea"

"Thank you Mrs Jenson, not just for the tea but for everything you have been doing for me" i say accepting the tea.

"Please Hannah call me Lainie, your pretty much family in our eyes so you may as well call me by my first name, i know that what the boys told you was a lot to handle but you won't be alone through this, through any of it, you will have someone with you at all times during this case. Obviously at home you will have clay, your parents and us at anytime as well, here take this, it is my number just in case you may wish to talk to me and do use it when you feel like you need someone since i know the case well, no matter what time of day it is i want you to use it".

"Thank you Lainie i really appreciate everything you are doing and have done" I say giving her a small smile.

"Your welcome, now you try and relax and i'll see you in the morning" Lainie says rubbing my back before getting up and going downstairs.

 _ **He's coming up behind me i can feel it, i run and run but i can still feel him closing in.**_

 _ **He's coming and i can't stop him.**_

 _ **I turn a corner and hide behind a bush and he runs past, i stay for awhile and hope he doesn't come back.**_

 _ **10 minutes go by and he hasn't returned maybe he's gone.**_

 _ **I leave the bush and run back towards my house.**_

 _ **He's back again, i'm so scared.**_

 _ **I'm running, running very fast.**_

 _ **He catches me and grips me in a sickly tight hold.**_

 _ **I think i might throw up.**_

 _ **He throws me against the wall hard.**_

 _ **He pins me there and grabs my neck**_

 _ **"Missed me hannah" He says in his sickly voice.**_

 _ **He nudges my legs so they seperate.**_

 _ **He's touching my legs mostly thigh area.**_

 _ **"Oh hannah i've missed you" He says stopping on my left thigh.**_

 _ **I scream and scream but know one hears me.**_

 _ **I scream louder but still no one helps me.**_

 _ **I'm about to scream again when he puts his hand over my mouth and…**_

"HANNAH. Wake up Hannah, its ok its just a dream. Baby wake up".

I shoot up in bed, hyperventilating and sweating. Where am I, I look around to see clay kneeling on the floor by my side his mom next to him on the bed. I burst into tears i'm so embarrassed that i must of woke them up screaming.

"Hannah your ok, your safe, your home with us" Lainie says pulling me closer for a hug that only a mother can give.

"It was him, he was coming after me" I manage to get out while sniffling and spluttering.

"Han it's ok, he's not gonna hurt you, your safe with us, shhh shhh come on go back to sleep I'm here ok, i'm here" Clay comforts me as he gets into the bed and pulls me into his side. He rubs my arm as I get myself into a comfy position. Clay's mom taps my hand as she gets up to leave just when she gets to the door she looks back and says

"Don't worry Hannah we will get him for all he had done and you'll never be afraid of him again"

She leaves the room closing the door behind her. I look at Clay who is looking at me with a stare of worry.

"I'll be ok Clay, it was just a nightmare I know I'm safe here with you guys"

"That's for sure Han now come on let's sleep it's 2AM"

I place my head on Clay chest and hand on his heart which is my new favourite sleep position and close my eyes and waiting for sleep to overcome me with Clay still rubbing my arm in a slow motion with is very soothing.


	12. Chapter12

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within this story, they belong to Jay Asher.

Chapter twelve:

Today is the day. I woke up feeling complete dread. Today is the day I tell my story, my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest and I can feel myself starting to panic. I can't do that not today I need to be strong, well as strong as I can be. I look at my phone to see that it is 6:30 in the morning, i also have 3 messages, 3 missed calls and a voicemail from Jessica. Oh no! Does she know? I quietly leave Clay's room so i dont wake him up and head downstairs where i go and sit in the little conservatory area by the back door. I listen to the voicemails first.

'Hannah, please tell me this isn't true. Justin has just told me some things I didn't think I would ever hear.'

She's crying. It's so heartbreaking.

'Hannah, please call me ASAP? Please tell me this isn't true?'

'Hannah, please i need to talk to you, i need to understand what happened, why did this happen to me hannah? Why do I always get shit happening to or around me? Why did I deserve this?'

That was the last voicemail. I'm so heartbroken for her, i heard the pain in her voice, I need to call her once i've read her messages. I open up my messages.

Hannah, once you get this please call me.

HANNAH, this is URGENT!!!

Hannah, please i need you, i don't know what to do.

I instantly click on her name and call her, I know it's early but she needs it. She answers on the second ring.

Hannah?

Yeah Jess it's me.

Hannah, what happened? This can't be real. This can't be true. Please tell me what Justin said wasn't true? I got so upset and angry I shouted at him to leave the house she said getting more and more upset.

Jess, id rather not discuss this over the phone, plus i need to know what he said to you last night. I'm at Clay's house, come over i'm the only one awake at the minute. We can discuss it better then, plus I have something you may need to hear.

She paused for a minute.

Ok, I'm heading over now, i'll be 10 minutes tops.

Ok see you soon Jess.

I feel awful, I really do, but it is good that she knows now but i need to make sure she knows EVERYTHING. I wrote a note that I stick on the conservatory door to tell the others not to come in while me and Jess are talking. I get a box of tissues, i get the tape that i made about what happened, I make some coffee and just generally prepare myself as much as I can for Jess. Just as i put the coffees in the conservatory i see Lainie come into the kitchen and she gives me a small smile, it's comforting but also makes me emotional and i just burst into tears.

"Oh Hannah, todays going to be ok, we will get through it ok, we will do it together"

"It's not just that, Jess knows"

"WHAT. Jess knows what happened to her"

I nod back to her

"How does she know? Did you tell her?"

"No, Justin told her. She's on her way over to talk about it properly and I can talk about what happened to me too, I hope you don't mind?"

"Oh honey, no i don't mind i think it will be good for you both"

"Thank you. Also, do you think maybe after talking to her for about half an hour or so could you come in and maybe talk to her like you did with me and maybe Jess could join us with the lawyers and police today if she's up for it?"

"I think that should be ok, but let's talk to her first and then we can all decide together before getting the lawyers and police involved. Don't forget were going at 10 to the station, so you have a couple hours"

"I know, thank you so much lainie"

Jess arrives 5 minutes after my conversation with lainie finishes and by the way she looks she hasn't really slept in the past few hours.

"Hi Jess" i reach my arms out to hug her.

"Hi Hannah" she returns the hug half heartedly, which i can understand i didn't even want my parents touching me in any way after what happened to me.

"Come this way, we have a room to ourselves. It's only me and Mrs Jenson awake at the minute but she's in the kitchen so we'll be able to talk alone"

"Ok" she says sheepishly.

Shes quiet, i mean i don't blame her really, this is a lot to take in. We sit down in the conservatory with the door shut, I don't talk straight away since I know how uncomfortable this conversation will be so i let jess start it off once she's ready. It takes a while but i don't push her she needs to be able to do it in her own time.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, it's been a couple of weeks near enough 3 months? Why did Justin have to tell me and not you?"

"Honestly Jess, I really wanted to but I just didn't know how to. How do you bring up that sort of conversation? How do you tell someone who you consider a really close friend or was a close friend that something like that happened to them?"

"I get that you would think that but don't you think i should of known especially since i've still been hanging around him"

"I really wish I could of told you before but I was scared that you wouldn't believe me and that it would somehow go around school that i was spreading lies about Bryce and what he did, and you know how fast it could of gone round the school" I say holding onto jess's hand.

It's hard to see her like this, crying and broken, it's just not her and this is what Bryce does and this is why he has to pay for what he has done.

"Oh Hannah why did he do this to me, what happened, I don't get how this could of happened?"

"I have a way for you to know or understand what I witnessed that night, but before that i need you to know something and the reason why i was in your room that night, kind of hidden out of sight."

"Ok, i didn't realise you were in the actual room i just know Justin said he saw you come downstairs after Bryce did"

"I was in their with clay, we went up there to talk as the party was really loud. We went into your room and talked about your rock collection and then we started kissing and making out but I freaked out and shouted at him to leave and he did, now the reason why I freaked out is because of all of the boys who sexually degrade us and those who have made me uncomfortable and it all just built up in my head and I freaked out on Clay" i say taking in a deep breath.

"So after Clay left you were left in my room when me and Justin came in, is that what happened?"

"Yes, now this is the part where you need to listen to the tape on the table next to you, now the reason that is there is because i ……. because i tried to do something stupid but i stopped myself. This was part of that but we can talk about that another time"

Jess looks next to her and sees the tape in the old walkman, she picks it up and turns it on. I hold her hand through the whole tape. I can tell when it gets to the part about bryce because her tears flow faster down her face and she looks like she can't breathe. By the time she finishes the tape she is practically doubled over on the floor completely broken and distressed.

"I'm so sorry Jess i really am. I wanted to stop it but i couldnt i was frozen in place and I was petrified of what would happen if i was caught but I felt so devastated that this was happening and i couldn't help you"

"Why didn't Justin stop him?"

"Bryce locked the door he couldn't get in and i think he was hurt and scared too but also Bryce pushed him out the door when he did try that's why he locked the door"

"I'm angry at Justin for not trying to stop it more but i can understand how he feels bad that he didn't, I still love him but its just going to be difficult for the next few weeks or so. I might not talk to him for a while but i think he'd understand"

"I think he will Jess, i'm sorry you had to find out the way you did but now i need to tell you something"

I tell her about bryce and what he did to me, everything else in between and everything after till today. Her face is unreadable, she's shocked that's 100%. It takes her a while to respond back to what I

told her.

"I can't believe he did that to you, he's a sick pervert. I'm sort of mad at you for wanting to end it all and leave all of us here, people who love you but I can understand why you would want to. The way the girls get treated in our school is disgusting. Something should change around that place to stop things like this from happening"

"I agree Jess, but what do we do?"

Just as I finish that question Lainie pops her head around the door.

"Everything ok in her girls?"

"I guess you could say that Mrs Jenson" Jess replies.

"Oh please call me Lainie. Would now be a good time to tell Jess about what's happening with us today Hannah?" She calls out to me.

"Yeah sure" Jess looks at me confused. "Today is the day where I speak to the lawyers that Lainie works with about Bryce and what he has done and also talk to the police" I explain.

"Oh right" Jess says quietly.

Lainie comes in and sits on a chair next to me and Jess. She starts to explain to Jess about what will happen with the police and lawyers and in what direction this whole situation will take. She also mentions that if Jess wanted to join the lawsuit that will be put towards Bryce she can since she is not the only one and surely we're both not alone too.

"Now you don't have to join us as I know this is a really painful and upsetting subject but if you do your welcome to come with us at 10 don't to make our statements and I can be present in the room with both of you as a stand in lawyer so to speak for your statements but when this moves forward it will be passed on to a colleague of mine as I'm "emotionally involved" since I know both of you and Hannah practically lives here, but we have the best team possible and you will have the best lawyers in the city. That is a lot to take in so I'm going to leave you girls to it for a little bit but Jess if you decide to please let me know by 9ish the latest ok so I can get the wheels in motion so to speak"

With that she left the room and me and Jess sit for a while in silence.

Clays pov:

I wake to the smell of freshly made coffee which is always a nice start to the day but when I roll over Hannah isn't there. She stayed last night so where could she be. I throw on some joggers and a top from my closet and head down the stairs. No one is in the living room but there's mumbling towards the back of the house, maybe it's my mom and dad, either way I need some coffee and to find Hannah. I walk into the kitchen and see mom sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"Morning sweetie"

"Morning mom, have you seen Hannah?"

"Yes she's in the conservatory but she's with Jess so I'd leave her be for a while"

"Oh shit, does she know?"

"Yes Jess knows and watch your language please" she protests.

"Sorry"

"Your forgiven, would you like to help me make some breakfast I'm sure the girls would like some once they finish up in that room and your father will be awake soon"

"Yeah sure"

With that we start to cook a full breakfast. Toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, waffles, hash brown fingers, french toast and pancakes. You name it and it was probably there. By the time we finish making breakfast, it has took us around 45 minutes and I'm starving. Mom knocks on the conservatory door and must of told them about food as 5 minutes later the girls come out. It's obvious both have been crying and who can really blame them really. Jess whispers something to Hannah and she nods slightly before they sit down.

"Good morning girls"

"Morning Clay" Hannah says with a small smile.

"Hey Clay" Jess says distantly.

I don't bother to ask about their conversation as it is none of my business and they need each other more than me right now. Hannah clears her throat after she's eaten a little bit a food.

"Lainie, I think Jess has made up her mind about the decision we discussed earlier"

"Have you Jess?" Mom says holding her hand out to hold Jess's.

"Yyyy.. yes. I think I want to help Hannah, bbb.. but I also want him to pay for what hhhh.. he did to us both" Shes starting to cry again. "I will join your lawsuit against him"


End file.
